193. Why Kelly Clarkson will never defeat the queens and princesses

Since I have nothing to post, and xujun posted an @ at me, I shall reply to him with further elaboration in this post. Ok, anyway I’m going to tell you why Kelly Clarkson will never defeat the queens and princesses.

@ Xujun: You probably won’t read this long crap, but the need to knows are all bolded.

The queens I would be talking about are Madonna, Queen of Pop aka. So damn many ranging from Her Madgesty to Dita, and Mariah Carey, Queen of R&B aka. Mimi. I shan’t include Cher or Whitney Houston or Aretha Franklin cause I’m not all that familiar with them. Then for princesses, I’m going to talk about Britney Spears, Princess of Pop aka. Britney Bitch. I shan’t mention Christina Aguilera, P!nk, Rihanna or anyone else you can think of because they are probably not successful enough to qualify as a princess.


Let’s start with the princess first. Britney Spears is 27 years old and has been singing, or I would say, selling sex for 10 years. She is arguably the most successfully artist of this decade, selling over 85 million records worldwide. But from her fantastic album sales, it’s really hard to imagine that she has only had 2 Billboard no.1 singles, namely “…Baby One More Time” and “Womanizer”. Talking about her albums, she has had 5 Billboard no.1 albums, and the only act in Soundscan (since 1991) history to have 4 albums debut at no.1 with over 500,000 in sales. Can Kelly Clarkson do that? The answer is NO.

Kelly’s chance of defeating Britney: -100%


For our dear Mimi, she’s 38 years old and once fired from a job as a hat checker, probably because she destroyed something for singing too high notes. She has sang for 18 years and sold nearly 200 million records worldwide. She’s the most successful female artist of the 1990s and has had 18 Billboard no.1 singles and 6 Billboard no.1 albums. Kelly Clarkson’s only sold 20 million records worldwide in 7 years, so do you think she can defeat Mariah? Obviously not. And can Kelly Clarkson sing so well like her? No. Can she hit high notes like her? No. And Mariah can also make a comeback from being a lunatic, but can Kelly do so? I don’t know and don’t think so.
Also, so what if Kelly Clarkson jumps 96 places to no.1, can she debut at Hot 100 no.1? No. Can she debut at Hot 100 no.1 more than once? Dream on. Can Mariah do so? Yes, and she did.
Also on a sidenote, Mariah Carey’s lambs are totally sickening. They can turn 25 million albums sold for Music Box to 35 million, and 18 million sold for Daydream to 25 million.

Kelly’s chance of defeating Mariah: -500%


Why I actually talk about Mimi and Britney is because if Kelly can’t even go close to defeating Britney, do you think she can defeat Madonna?
Madonna is 50 years old and has been selling sex in the pretext of singing for 25 years. Despite not having good vocals, she can still become the world’s best selling female artist with over 300 million in record sales. She is the most successful female artist of the 1980s. She has had 12 no.1 Billboard singles because she decided to destroy her chart streak with an anti-American “American Life”. But she has the most no.2 and top 10 Billboard singles by any artists, and the most top 5, top 20, top 30 and top 40 Billboard singles by any female artists. She also has 7 Billboard no.1 albums, behind only Barbara Streisand’s 8.
And of course, Madonna had her down moments, by being overly sexual (Erotica and SEX) or overly political (American Life), but she definitely wouldn’t be a lunatic after being divorced or out of love. She’s been raped before and had 2 unwanted pregnancies but she still lives happily. She is the richest woman in music and has so many world records.
So can Kelly:
1) set a world record by having an album debut at no.1 in 29 countries? No.
2) set a world record by having the above album hit no.1 in 40 countries? No.
3) set a world record by having a single from the above album hit no.1 in 45 countries? No.
4) once set a world record of “Highest Grossing Tour by a Female Artist” by grossing US$194.8million in only 60 shows? No.
5) set a world record of “Highest Grossing Tour by any Solo Artist” by grossing over US$280million in only 58 shows, and breaking her above record? No.
6) set a world record for being the richest woman in music? No.
7) set a world record by earning US$72 million in a year? No.
8) set a world record for being most successful female recording artist of all time? No.
9) set a world record by having the highest selling female compilation album? No.
Other than the world records, Madonna reinvents herself constantly to stay relevant and dominant in the music scene. She also made MTV famous by just rolling around on the stage in it’s first year of the show. She also makes the most groundbreaking music videos, holding the no.1, 4 and 5 spot on the top 10 of the most groundbreaking music videos. And she also posts the most entries on the top 100 music videos of all time in any charts.
She made remix albums famous by releasing “You Can Dance” in 1987. Her influence in music can also be seen in artists like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Katy Perry etc. as they follow in her footsteps of combining music and sex and gaining huge fame and success.
Madonna is also a shrewd business woman. She has had a record label, Maverick, which earned over US$1 billion under her control, more than any other recording artists’ label. She has also recently signed a US$120million deal with Live Nation, a lot more times more than Kelly Clarkson can possibly get. Madonna has also generated academic interest, and the study of her is called Madonna Studies.
So can Kelly Clarkson still live happily after being raped and having 2 unwanted pregnancies? Not at all. Can Kelly Clarkson be at the forefront of music? Not with Madonna in the race. Can Kelly Clarkson ever be famous enough to generate academic interest? No.

Kelly’s chance of defeating Madonna: -∞%


What does this show? Kelly Clarkson will never be in or come near the league of these super-ultra-mega stars

posted by datf @ 1/30/2009 09:49:00 pm