99. Immaculate Insult

"Immcaulate Insult" was originally meant to be released in 2 different versions, the polite version and the crude version. But this idea was scrapped off due to the already delayed publishing of the manual. What you see below is the polite version.



The following has been rated suitable for all ages.

IMMACULATE INSULT

You see someone who is irritating and needs a kick in the butt, what should you do? You must be civilised and go up to him and insult him. That’s the new trend. But how many people know how to insult or be sarcastic well? Probably not much. Therefore it is vital to at least learn some basic insult skills or sarcasm to retaliation. Of course I am strong in insults but relatively weak compared to people like Mrs Chan, Ms Sunita (both are masters of sarcasm), Vancome Lady (all rounded expert), and a person whom I shan’t name. Ok, stop reading this crap and start looking below.

Lesson 1:
Be re-inventive
Constantly come up with new ideas for insult. Strive to create your own fashion line for insult. Create trends instead of following trends.
Example: As blind as ______________ (not suitable for mentioning)

Lesson 2:
Don’t laugh when you're insulting
When giving insults, try as much as possible not to laugh or even smile. Because you want to appear serious so that the person might try to stop irritating you further. If you can’t do so, here’s a tip: say your line of insult as fast as possible, and thinking like you want a fight.
Example: Difficult to show, but people who seen me do “go where? Go to hell? Go eat shit? Go and die?” should get some idea.

Lesson 3:
Don’t even look intimidated
Even if you are intimidated, don’t show it. Just think like: at most fight only.
Example: NIL – Never got intimidated in arguments. Never loved to fight.

Lesson 4:
Think of all countering methods for your insult.
Think of a counter attack for your insult which must be so difficult that your opponent cannot think of it. This is in case your opponents follow trends (which you should not) and use your insult back at you.
Example: Xujun should know, about Vancome’s Lalala…, which I could successfully counter it by saying “See you stopped “La”ing when I stopped speaking. This proves you can hear why I’m telling you.

Lesson 5:
Anyhow crap on the spot
If you can’t think of anything to counter, you just anyhow say something which is illogical and yet seems relevant, and give yourself time to think of something to say, while you opponent ponders on what you said. And hopefully, this could change the topic of argument away.
Example: NIL – I could always counter insults, so nothing much to say.

Lesson 6:
Don't say words that are too vulgar
Too vulgar words like f*** makes you look like a cheap slut who has pathetic vocabulary which consist of only that word.
Examples: NIL - I rarely speak those words.

Try these out and see how useless it is.

All Rights Reserved ®. Immaculate Insult. 29 April 2008.

Labels: immaculate

posted by datf @ 4/29/2008 08:27:00 pm